Why do bad things keep happening to you? Is it that every time you turn a corner you are faced by another monster, another accident, another shit-show?
How did you end up so unlucky? Was it that mirror you broke when you were 13? Was it that ladder you walked under when you were rushing to work? Or is it just fate?
Why is the world out to get you?
Prominent psychologist Carl Jung has a famous quote that I very much like:
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”Carl Jung
Or a more colloquial version:
If everywhere you walk smells like dogshit, check your shoe…a wise person
It isn’t fate, it’s a pattern of unconscious behaviour.
Ultimately, this comes down to self-awareness. If you do things without realising, without understanding your true intent (sometimes it will not be pure, even “good” people do “bad” things) you will never be able to see how you contribute to the bullshit in your life.
This is not about blame that is pointless. Realising how you contribute can let you fairly assess the situation, for the first time.
Integrate your shadow
Jung called the process of accepting your ‘dark side’ “integrating your shadow”. Like how in Peter Pan, he is unwilling to grow up, so he runs from his shadow. But by the end he sews it to his feet. By accepting his adulthood and responsibilities he is able to grow up.
The first step is to accept that maybe we have lied to ourselves about why we ghosted that person on Tinder, why we told our boss the other associate’s project is behind schedule or why we told our partner that they are arrogant.
You will be stuck in a loop until you accept that sometimes you do things that cause problems for you. Such as picking romantic partners that are very controlling and narcissistic. Or always saying yes to everyone’s requests. Or always doing the wrong thing and then apologising ad nauseam (self-victimising) but never changing your behaviour.
Freedom from the heavy chains of fate
This is a liberating realisation, by owning the fact that you caused it you will be able to avoid it moving forward. Like when you feel lethargic and then you figure out you have a cold coming on… it’s relieving because now you can ‘treat it’.
Acceptance is the first step to change. It’s very easy to blame external causes but how many times do you have to get “unlucky” in a row before you might want to consider you have a flaw in your decision-making frameworks?
Lower your shield so you can look into what your true unconscious intentions are, and then you can begin to avoid the same pitfalls and quicksand you have been stuck in your whole life.